Not Enough
by consulting-slytherdor
Summary: Severus sacrifices his relationship with Harry because of what he thinks that Harry wants. He hears how Harry behaves following the breakup and he attempts to corrext his grave mistake.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Longest fic so far and the first multi-chapter that I have attempted. Thanks to those that reviewed my other stories.

Not Enough

Severus sighed. This was not going to be easy. Right now his life was perfect, or as close to perfect as it'd get. Hell, it was better than he ever thought that it would, or _could_, be. But it wasn't right; it wasn't natural. In the real world, Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived could never be happy with _him_ at all, let alone forever. But he knew that Harry wouldn't say anything. It was up to him to sacrifice his first, last and only happiness for the happiness of the one he loved.

As soon as he decided that he was going to free Harry, the way in which he would do it seemed almost too easy for him to figure out. He was methodical in how he was going to go through with it. Harry had introduced him to some things in the Muggle world and Severus had decided that for their last date together they would go to the movies after they went out to dinner. They'd go to a café after the movie had finished and while consuming their coffee, he'd do it. He would act as though he had tired of being with him, that he wanted to move on and find somebody his age, somebody that suited him better.

As he made his way to the restaurant another effect as of his plan dawned on him. If he saw Harry out in public after they were no longer together, it would be best for him to revert back to acting with detached and cool indifference if they happened to converse, even if Harry were with somebody. This would prove to be harder than he thought.

Harry's POV

Even though we always went out to places together I couldn't wait for the evening. I love being with Severus and even though we spend every spare minute afforded us, my job as an Auror is very time-consuming and I am sometimes taken away from home because of it. This fact just adds to the reason that I could think of nothing better to do than spend every free minute available with Severus. What was planned for the latest excursion is my idea of a perfect date.

He couldn't wait and by 5:30 in the evening he was waiting until he could arrive at the restaurant. He had already showered, done as much as he could with his hair, and donned the emerald green shirt that Snape said matched his eyes exactly, with a pair of black jeans and high-top converse.

Finally, he Apparated to an alley at the end of the block that Severus had made reservations for and drank in the sight of his lover, whom he had spotted as soon as he stepped through the door. He still couldn't get over the initial rush of happiness whenever he saw him after any length of separation, still couldn't believe that he was lucky enough to be with him. The Potions Master was wearing all black, and the color really suited him and fit with his mysterious personality. Harry made his way over and hugged him, Severus returning it forcefully, hiding his face against Harry's neck. As they pulled apart from the prolonged contact, Harry was trying to work out what the difference had been in the hug. As they made their way to a table situated next to a window that looked out onto the beautiful city night life, Harry realized the one other occasion that he had been embraced like that. Hermione and then Ron had come up to him before he journeyed out to face Voldemort on Hogwarts grounds, and they didn't know if they'd ever see each other again. Harry didn't know why there would be any desperation in Severus' hug now, but if he wasn't just imagining things, he was fearful of what the cause behind it might be.

They sat down and took their time in deciding on something new to try. Their conversation was routine; they also spoke about what they did during the day and just some miscellaneous thoughts that they each had, which often led them into an entirely different conversation. Severus looked more…lively and animated tonight, but he listened to Harry's voice talk about a variety of subjects instead of contributing more himself. To Harry, he seemed more attentive, though many would wonder how the man could possibly pay attention to anything with more attentiveness than he usually had.

Severus sat there, absorbing every syllable that slipped from between the Savior's lips, dreading the passing minutes, drawing, for all intents and purposes, his life to a close. Because he was nothing when he didn't have Harry, after this night he'd just be getting on with his life, not living it.

They finished at the restaurant and walked out into the cool evening air. Severus moved behind Harry and pulled him to his chest; walking with his hands over Harry's resting on Harry's hips. He knew he shouldn't do it, but knowing his time of being able to do it made him almost magnetically attracted to Harry, he couldn't resist touching him. He knew somewhere, in the logical part of his brain, that there was a slim possibility of Harry remembering that he held Harry the majority of the night, but when he did break it off, he would ensure that Harry had no reason to look back and realize that Severus had been all over him before they departed from the movies. He'd have to revert back to being cold and wearing his mask when he broke up with Harry. Back in the early years of Potter's education, it had been so easy to verbally cut into him and tear him down.

Usually Severus Snape always knew what was occurring around him, used to being alert every second of when he was a spy because inattentiveness and possibly being caught unaware and surprised could very well be the difference between life and losing yours.

But if asked what the movie he had just 'watched' was about, he could not answer. He spent the entire 2 and ½ hours watching Harry, playing with his hands while also holding them, kissing his neck, and touching his hair under the pretense of putting it behind his ear.

He enjoyed every moment that he had, every second that he had sitting in that dark auditorium with his companion, glad that he film they were watching was the longest one playing that week. He wished that the movie credits would never start rolling and he savored every second as though each one was an entire lifetime.

But of course paradise had to end. The screen went dark and Severus copied the young man in standing. They exited the theatre and Severus found it easier to disconnect himself from the love of his life and the rest of the outside world; he was too focused on what he was about to do.

The walk to the café was 3 blocks and Severus felt like they had taken a Firebolt ride to the front door, and then to the table that they frequented when they chose to go there. It was seated by a window and Severus gazed out at the bustling city night life going on outside, everyone in their own little bubble. He was pulled out of his bleak contemplations when a waiter *plonked* down their usual orders; Severus took his latte black and Harry had a caramel frappuchino. Harry began sipping at his coffee, stealing wary glances at his boyfriend. Severus sighed and distractedly started to trace the ring of the delicate cup with one long, elegant index finger. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and as an afterthought, cast a silencing and notice-me-not charm around their table to give them some measure of privacy. He opened his eyes and with a strength that he did not feel, called out, "Harry". When the Savior looked at him there were both parts apprehension and relief in his beautiful, jewel-colored eyes. He impeded his view of the young man briefly once more and then proceeded to destroy the one thing that he wanted the most in this world. He hardened his gaze and pulled forth the hard tone and biting words from the two decades that he spent as a Death Eater. "This…experience has been all well and good, _Potter_, but I think that we need to open our eyes and be honest with ourselves. This has been a very…enlightening period but you have to agree with me that that the time for this charade to come to an end. This has been a very novel time for me, but I believe that I have been recently finding myself desiring something, I don't know, new and refreshing, unknown and mysterious. You can't tell me in all honesty that you don't find your eye wandering, that you don't long for something new, something outside of this tedious routine." He took a cleansing breath and looked up at Harry to find see if he would be allowed to stop yet, or if he had to continue ripping the battered and beaten organ out of his chest, something that most people called a heart. Harry wasn't looking at him in favor of staring down at his half-finished drink. He seemed to consider something carefully and then resolutely looked up at Severus' face, which now looked as though it were a statue carved out of stone. "If that's the way you feel, then I understand." His tone was flat, lifeless. He gave Severus one last glance and then stood up from the table and walked out into the world that existed outside of the door, now contained in his own little world, thereby breaking the spells that Snape had set up in their corner. He took a moment to compose himself, dropped some Muggle money on the table between their unfinished, or untouched, coffees and strode out of the now haunted establishment into the frigid night air, repeating like a mantra to himself, _It's the right thing to do. It's what Harry really wants. It'll all work out and be all right._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update; Thanksgiving and school. Thanks for the reviews that I've gotten for my previous fics. Hope you enjoy the conclusion to this story.

Chapter 2

Severus was miserable. He had been miserable ever since he had cruelly and very, very intentionally, _painfully_ intentionally, severed the most important tie in his extended, mistake-ridden life. He had no news whatsoever of Harry after the news had reached him a month, how had a month already passed without Harry?, after they had split that Harry had isolated himself within Black's old, ancestral home that the Gryffindor's godfather had once thought of as a tomb that he was imprisoned in after he cut his stay at Azkaban short. Supposedly he hadn't stepped foot outside of his safe haven since he had taken up residence there, though Severus couldn't understand how that could be true unless Kreacher had actually started to submit to his Master's commands and received food and other necessary items required to have a continued existence. He had even stopped allowing his best friends and adoptive family entrance and even left the correspondence that he was sent from everybody unread and when Hedwig eventually returned them to the original sender, the seals were unbroken.

He wasn't exactly positive that he had sunk into this _depression_ as an aftereffect of what he had done and he was even more unsure about whether he could reverse it but he definitely wanted to try to help him; he couldn't resist doing the thing that would help Harry , regardless of himself, and he absolutely could not do **anything **that would hurt him. Severus had imagined that breaking up with Harry might have a _temporary _negative effect on him , but that he would quickly get over it. Apparently *something* wasn't right, and he planned to rectify that, if at all possible.

That was how he found himself taking a deep breath, smoothing his black, Muggle dress shirt and abandoning his familiar quarters in favor of making it past the wards surrounding the legendary school and after a split second's wait, disappearing from Scotland and reappearing in front of the former Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. As he approached the ancestral home, once the shelter of Dark witches and wizards, he could feel the impressive wards surrounding the property and slowly slid through them. He couldn't deny the surprise that he felt when the he felt the wards actually admitting him. Even though they would alert Harry to his presence it was respectful to knock before gaining admittance. He used the knocker and waited for the solitary occupant to answer the door. He could tell by how quickly the door opened that that Harry had already been somewhere near the front door when the knock had come.

He was stunned by the sight that greeted him. Harry Potter leaned heavily on the door, more fragile than Snape had ever seen him. There were dark patches under his eyes and his clothes were ill-fitting. The former Death Eater swept in without thought. It seemed Harry did not have the energy to react. He loosened the grip on the door and swept the young man into his arms before the foolish Gryffindor could fall. He strode up the stairs and stepped into the master bedroom. He laid Harry down and covered him with the blankets before he made flames jump into the grate with a flick of his wand. With a snap of his fingers, the elf of the House of Black appeared before them in the room.

He ordered a tray of food, consisting only of liquids and soft foods because he wasn't sure of how much Harry had eaten and wanted to ease him back into regular food. Moments later a tray with a bowlful of broth, a plate of fruit, and a goblet of pumpkin juice. Snape wished he had a nutrient potion on him to add to the pumpkin juice, along with other potions that could benefit Harry, perhaps the end of the war had made them all complacent.

He helped the delicate body sit up and placed the tray in front of him. He stretched out beside him, filled the spoon with some broth, and lifted it to hover in front of Harry's mouth. Harry stared at the spoon waiting to feed him, and then shifted his gaze to the face of the man that belonged to the hand holding the utensil. He slowly parted his lips and admitted the sustenance. But that quick glance at him before acceptance made Severus remember that he hadn't spoken to Harry yet; Harry wouldn't have any idea why he was there, all he knew was that Severus was a heartless bastard. He continued to feed Harry, and prepared to speak after the Savior finished with the soup.

The last spoonful was consumed and the tray disappeared with a 'pop', leaving only a refilled goblet on the bedside table. For the first time ever, Severus did not know how to proceed. "Do you need more juice?" Was asked helplessly. It was a sign of how long he had been alone in the house with nobody to really talk to that you could see how hard he was working to even attempt speaking. "Shh…here." Snape instructed as he lifted the cup from the table and lifted it up to Harry's lips, liquid instantly beginning to travel down Harry's throat. Snape kept his hand raised until nothing remained, and then set it down again. "Are you feeling better now?" When he received a nod, he continued. "Now would you like to inform me of the reason that you had to recover in the first place?" When Harry declined through means of a shake of his head, Severus settled down more comfortably among the pillows, determined to wait until he got a response, and was willing to wait forever.

After about five minutes of silence, the Head of Slytherin could feel the young man beside him shift. He looked down and Harry took a deep breath before he began. He decided to try the easy way first and see if he could get away with it. "Because," he said, even though he knew it was immature. He would rather be viewed as childish by the man before the wizard who didn't like him heard the reason for his self-neglect. When Severus gave him a piercing glance, he sighed and began to tell his story of how that night, in reality a month had passed, but to him it felt like an eternity.

"That night, when you said that u wanted to be free, I could understand that. That wasn't what I would have chosen in a thousand years, but it was your choice, what you wanted, and I wanted you to be happy, so I walked out. But when I left downtown that night, my life; the way that I felt and viewed the world before, it was over, gone. I accepted that, but I knew that nobody else would understand, or approve of what I chose to do. The isolation helped, I didn't have to see what I didn't have and pretend that nothing had really changed with me. I got used to just staying inside the house, and after a bit of time had passed, doing things just seemed too…draining. I began to give up on everyday things because it seemed so pointless."

By the end of Potter's explanation, Snape's heart had broken all over again. To think that he was the cause of Harry's new state was excruciating. It hurt even more to think that _both _of them were suffering because of what he thought was best.

Now that he truly knew that Harry was like this because of him, because he still somehow, inexplicably, had feelings for Severus. Or at least he did when he began his self-seclusion. He was about to take a chance and hope that Harry would be okay with it.

He slowly leaned forward, giving Harry time to pull away, and finally pressed his lips softly to Harry's. The moment that their mouths connected, it felt like two halves of a soul rejoining after they had been apart for too long. Harry pressed deeper and they son disregard the time that was flying past in favor of losing themselves in the joy of being reunited. They broke apart, not _nearly_ satisfied yet tired from their period spent without the other. They settled down so that they were more comfortable and relaxed and slowly lost awareness still wrapped around each other.

The End


	3. Epilogue

Epilogue

Two years after the brief yet destructive separation, Harry and Severus were stronger than ever.

Six months had elapsed since that evening at Harry's tomb, and Harry received an invitation to instruct at Hogwarts after the old DADA professor had resigned. He accepted immediately, ecstatic that he would be able to be around Severus every day. He had still seen a lot of him, a bit more after the misunderstanding, but still not enough for either of them. They now spent every second that classes were not in session together, and Severus' quarters were now also Harry's. When Spring transitioned into Summer and the students left the castle, they spent the three gloriously free months that they had entirely to themselves in Grimmauld Place, a home that was away from home. They were delighted with their united lives and satisfied to spend the rest of their lives in the same fashion.


End file.
